Mistletoe And Wine
by slenderpanda597
Summary: There's only one album which can define Christmas, as Miranda and Gary know. They also know the outcomes of a drunken night in together.


(a/n – so this is an idea that formed recently whilst watching Miranda clips and singing a lot of Cliff Richard. Honestly. Too much Cliff Richard. Myself and several friends have been trying to name the ultimate Cliff Richard Christmas song, because we believe it ain't Christmas without Cliff, whilst other would say it ain't Christmas without Bublé. Whatever. I have been singing so much Cliff. And doing the dances. Publicly. Not even whilst I have been out during the evenings/nights this week. Well, maybe a little bit at those functions. Anyways, here is Miranda and Gary getting drunk and listening to Cliff Richard. Time to rejoice in the good that we see…)

Mistletoe And Wine

Gary poured the glasses of prosecco out and handed one to Miranda, who was sat flicking through the TV channels without much luck. She gulped a large amount of her wine, and shuffled in what she hoped was a subtle manner (whilst making a note of how exciting the word subtle was) closer to him, bopping him on the head with her festive antlers, because she had seen some nature documentary which she hadn't listened to because there was no David Attenborough ("and what is a nature documentary without David Attenborough?!") but the deers had been poking each other with their antlers and it looked like a fun thing to do. Gary laughed slightly and draped his arm behind her over the back of the sofa, which filled Miranda's stomach with butterflies almost immediately. The television channels were all filled with the festive claptrap which nobody ever watched at Christmas – reruns of classic films, remakes of classic musicals and other such boring nonsense. She flicked it off and turned to Gary, who was sipping some more of his prosecco.

"What shall we do Gary? I have some DVDs lying around somewhere." She rummaged in the cupboard for something appropriate. "Last of the summer wine? Scream? Zumba? Antiques roadtrip? An evening of bubbles with Penny and UNACCEPTABLE!" Miranda shrieked as she realised just what the DVD in question was. "When I asked Mum to drop round some new things to watch I did not mean this, and I very much doubt that she deliberately brought this! My mind will never be the same again!" Miranda dramatically flopped back onto the sofa, taking a large gulp of the wine as Gary finished his. She held out her glass for a refill and took another swig as she pondered what entertainment she could provide for her evening in with Gary. Her eyes wandered around the room until they caught sight of her iPod dock on the bookcase, and she leapt up excitedly, reaching to switch on her device.

"Gary I know what we can do! We can listen to the album which I downloaded today, and we can DANCE!" Miranda immediately began scrolling through her music gallery, as Gary looked up slowly.

"Which album is it?"

"The album which defines Christmas Gary!"

"Michael Bublé?"

"No! Gary, how can you say such a thing?" Miranda swatted him playfully over the head before pressing play and proudly announcing the music of the evening.

"Ladies, gentlemen, jellyspoons, fruit friends and Gary," she giggled and drank some more wine, "may I proudly present to you the greatest Christmas album ever to exist: Cliff At Christmas!" Miranda began clapping enthusiastically and bowing to her mock audience, whilst Gary joined in with the applause.

Miranda sat with Gary on her sofa, drinking yet another glass of prosecco as Cliff Richard's voice played out over the speakers. Soon, a familiar festive tune was to be heard, and Miranda was on her feet, tugging Gary upwards.

"Come on Gary, dance!" Gary stayed firmly put.

"No, Miranda." Miranda was suitably outraged by this and immediately looked down upon him.

"Is that how one should address Your Highness upon the request of a dance? Now join in, and swing!" She began to sway from side to side, her arms flopping around as she sang along, using the now empty wine bottle as a makeshift microphone.

"Christmas time" Miranda took on the persona of the little choirboy.

"Silllent niiIIght" Gary responded.

"Mistletoe and wine" she continued

"Hoollyy niiiIIGHt!" Gary began to join in completely, having downed the remainder of his wine, and so feeling completely ready to embrace his inner Cliff Richard. As the song ended and other continued, Miranda and Gary could be heard loudly and drunkenly belting out the lyrics to songs on the entire album (with Miranda deciding that the lyrics to Saviour's Day sounded rude when Cliff sings about 'calling you, calling you') and if the whole situation could be observed, the dancing they were doing would have made for excellent comedy television.

As the duo got tired, and the album began to loop again, they collapsed onto the sofa, or, more accurately, Gary collapsed onto the sofa and Miranda collapsed upon the top of Gary, which made her giggle uncontrollably and her hands wander over his chest. She laughed manically.

"Hey, Miranda?"

"Yesh Gary you amazing Cliff Richard fan you?"

"Guess who I saw the other day?"

"Was it the Duke of Edinburgh? Because I am busy at the moment in time so cannot deal with his private engagements. Ooh! Naughty!" Miranda was giggling again.

"No, that Mandy woman who thought we were a thing. She came up to me and asked how Mary was, thanks, Mr Richards, and I got so confused for a moment but yeah… Remember that?" Gary's voice trailed off as he noticed that Miranda had spilled some wine on her top so it was now see through, revealing her bra. She patted his head.

"Ah yesh, Mary and Joseph Richards. We're massive fans, aren't we now?" And then she was off again, singing mistletoe and wine incredibly loudly. Gary joined in, and they ended gazing into one another's eyes longingly, the wine they had consumed blurring their thoughts ever so slightly as they slurred their way through the iconic festive lyrics. Miranda then broke wind, and collapsed in a drunken heap on the sofa.

Miranda awoke, her head pounding and also very blurry, and she was sure that she could hear Cliff Richard singing through the midst and confusion of it all. Next to her, Gary was rubbing his eyes and groaning as if in pain. She looked at him, noticing that his expression of discomfort and discombobulation matched hers.

"Gary? What has happened?" She really hoped he had some form of answers for her so that she could make sense of the situation.

"I have no idea Miranda, just, wine, and mistletoe…" That snapped some memory in her head, and Miranda sat up.

"Mistletoe and wine, Gary! We've had wine, but did we have mistletoe, as I cannot remember?" She was fairly certain that they had not, but she wanted to kiss Gary, so she was going to try and get some lip action from him. He shrugged.

"Not sure, but we could, um, we could, maybe, sort of, rectify that?" He stumbled over his words as Miranda produced some mistletoe which her mother had dropped round ("in case any sexy, what I call, deliverymen appear! Such fun!") and Miranda leaned over to Gary, their lips meeting. Miranda sighed happily and dropped the mistletoe, deciding that she needed both hands to hold Gary's shoulders as his arms snaked around her waist. She wasn't entirely convinced that this was how mistletoe kisses were supposed to work, but she was not going to complain because she was kissing Gary very soundly and he was returning the gesture. In the background of it all, Cliff Richard could be heard singing iconic festive melodies which many people for generations have attributed to the Christmas period.

Miranda was not quite sure how long she spent kissing Gary on her sofa, but things were beginning to progress in the heat of the moment and she was quite sure that what she was planning on doing with Gary would not be something Cliff would approve of happening to the soundtrack of his Christmas album. She was just beginning to explore what was going to happen some more when the perfect festive moment was shattered.

"What have you done today to make you feel PRRROOOUUD? Ooh! Mistletoe and wine, OH! Mistletoe and wine!" Stevie's exclamations sobered Gary and Miranda rather quickly, and they sprung apart to opposite ends of the sofa, Miranda smoothing out her hair and Gary pulling down his top in order to straighten out his appearance. Stevie stood in the doorway gaping at the scene laid out before her like a startled fish, her tinsel-clad Heather Small hanging limply in her hand beside her. She hastily retreated from her friend's flat, making her excuses in a flustered and embarrassed manner, worried she had ruined happiness for her best friend. Once she had left, Miranda looked sheepishly at Gary, nervous as to what he would think of the sudden interruption. As soon as their eyes met, they both erupted into fits of the giggles.

"Well," Gary laughed, his eyes glittering, "looks like you can't have a good Christmas without Cliff Richard, especially mistletoe and wine." That set them off again, because, really, the two of them had a connection that was quite unique, and Mary and Joseph Richards certainly were massive Cliff Richard fans, especially at Christmastime.

-finite-

(a/n – I wrote another Miranda fic *le gasp* which isn't too bad, I don't think! This little piece of drunken fluff with a little too much Cliff Richard added is dedicated to Beret98, who is an amazing person who puts up with my ramblings and fangirling and basically offers me all sorts of things which I am ever-thankful for. Sorry that I haven't written anything for a fandom you love in a while, my good pal. I hope this is up to scratch for you. Merry Christmas!)


End file.
